Rank of Teamwork
by gallifrey calls now
Summary: Team 7 centric - 1oo themes. Theme no2 - family life: AU. In which Sakura likes Itachi, Team 7 is invited to dinner and Naruto throws a riceball at Sasuke in the wrong moment. Non-massacre.
1. Chapter 1

Rank of Teamwork

oo1- intelligence: Sasuke was outraged, Naruto extremely smug and Sakura didn't know if she should just smack them both.

001/100

The fire crackled slowly. Kakashi, despite reading Icha Icha again, was tense and vigilant.

The night was dark.

Team 7 was munching on their respective pieces of fish. Naruto's eyes watched his two teammates with hidden amusement. Sasuke was glaring at Naruto with as much force his tired body could muster. Sakura was looking suspiciously at them from behind her scroll.

In general, a normal night on a mission for the genin.

Stifling a yawn, Naruto stretched. "... I'm going to bed. G'night, bastard, Sakura-chan, sensei."

Kakashi, with a somewhat perverted giggle, waved him off. Sakura rolled her eyes affectionately. "Goodnight, Naruto."

Sasuke tensed. This was wrong. Very incredibly wrong. Naruto NEVER went to sleep the first. "...Dobe, there's something wrong."

Kakashi chose that moment to disappear into a nearby tree.

"Whaddya mean, Sasuke-teme?" Naruto asked a bit nervously.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the blond. "Never mind."

Naruto instantly brightened up. "Well, in that case, sleep tight and don't let the Shino bugs fight!"

Sasuke blanched. "That made absolutely no sense."

"It did actually," Naruto supplied cheerfully. "Goodnight!"

"...Goodnight," Sasuke allowed in return.

The other member of the team watched in silent stupor as Naruto bounced off into the tent he shared with Sasuke.

"What the hell was that about?" she asked finally.

Sasuke shrugged. "I don't know. Who knows what sort of "smart booby trap" Naruto thinks he's got, but he's right about one thing..." Sasuke looked up at the moon. "...It's late, we should go to sleep too."

Sakura nodded. "I agree. Kakashi-sensei - we're going to sleep!"

"Goodnight, kids," Kakashi was heard along with the faint rustle of a page.

A bit of shuffling occured as Sasuke and Sakura retired to their respective tents, Sasuke cringing a little when he heard Naruto's loud snores.

Sakura giggled.

After a few minutes of relative silence in the boys' tent, Naruto nudged Sasuke.

"Psst. Hey, teme, you awake?"

"Are you?" Sasuke asked back. "I know your sleeping habits and since you've recently learned that move with the chakra ball I am quite afraid for my physical well being."

Naruto slapped his arm. "You teme. I don't know what those fangirls see in you."

"I would rather not know," Sasuke confessed dryly. "What do you want, anyway?"

Narto snorted. "Last night I heard you mutter in your sleep Sakura-chan's name. Do you have something to say?"

Sasuke sniffed. "My dream involved something related to Sakura, a chainsaw and two angry kittens."

Naruto shuddered. "Harsh dream that must've been. But anyway, are you completely, positively sure you don't have other than... platonic feelings for her, mmm, teme?"

Sasuke blanched. "No wonder you didn't say any stupid stuff today. You were saving it all for now."

"Teme!"

Sasuke glared at him. "No, Naruto, I don't. Now leave me alone."

"But-"

"Sit and snore, idiot," Sasuke ordered, rolling onto his side with his back at Naruto. "Goodnight."

"Sleep tight!" Naruto added cheerfully.

"...You are such a moron."

"Aw, you bastard."

"Hn."

"Don't start!"

Sasuke shifted a little and then fell still.

A few minutes later, Naruto still couldn't fall asleep.

"Teme?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Go away."

Naruto smirked triumphantly. "I'm bored."

"Practice being silent, moron."

"You've been thinking about Sakura-chan, haven't you?"

"..."

Naruto nearly jumped. "You have, haven't you? You sick pervert! You-"

Sasuke jolted a little and groaned. "Can't you keep silent, dobe? I fell asleep!"

"...Oh. So you weren't thinking of Sakura-chan."

Sasuke glared at him. "No. Now let me-"

They both stiffened when shifting was heard outside.

"While I am flattered that you two find my person interesting," Sakura's angry voice said in the background, "I am trying to sleep. Shut. Up."

"Blame the dobe."

"Me? You're the one who's dreaming of Sakura-chan and chainsaws and angry kittens!"

Sasuke sniffed. "And you're the one who's pointing it out. I lived just fine not remembering my dream up until now."

"Shut up!" Sakura growled at them. "Kakashi-sensei has been laughing at you the past half hour! See? He fell out of the goddamn tree!"

The boys, for the first time in minutes, fell silent.

"Good," Sakura huffed. "For a second there I was afraid I might have to smack you."

"Duly noted," said Sasuke, gulping dryly.

"Yeah," Naruto added nervously. Then lower - "Please don't smack us."

Sakura smiled sweetly before fully entering their tent.

Behind her, Kakashi raised a suggestive eyebrow. All mature thoughts were however replaced with barely hidden amusement as various (manly) yelps of pain echoed throughout the small clearing.

Sakura exited the tent looking thoroughly satsfied; she was a second away from looking like contented cat. Kakashi half expected her to start purring.

But she just smiled sweetly at him before disappearing in the dark abyss that was her own tent.

(Next morning found Naruto and Sasuke sporting numerous bruises and a black eye each.)

So I thought I needed a break from the usual, so here it is: Team 7 100 themes!


	2. Chapter 2

Rank of Teamwork  
oo2- family life: AU. In which Sakura likes Itachi, Team 7 is invited to dinner and Naruto throws a riceball at Sasuke in the wrong moment. Non-massacre.

002/100

"Is Itachi coming?" Naruto asked a bit fearfully.

Sasuke nodded. "Yeah. He was supposed to go on a mission, but it got cancelled. He's very pissy, so be careful."

"NOOOOOOOO!"

"Oooo- shut up," Sakura said. "I like Itachi."

The boys shuddered collectively. "Puberty," Sasuke whispered fearfully.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Oh, please, it's not like I crush on any straight man I see."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "Kiba."

"Neji," Naruto supplied.

"Shikamaru."

"Genma."

"Izumo."

"Kotetsu."

"And finally," they both chanted in unison, "Rock Lee."

Sakura gaped at them. "You were actually listening to me when I told you all of this?"

Naruto shrugged. "If we wouldn't have, you would have pummeled us straight into the earth."

"And actually I don't know if aniki is straight..." Sasuke mused. "He never really took interest in any girl..."

Sakura glared at him. "He will fall at my feet."

"May I ask who will fall at your feet, Sakura-san?" asked a polite and interested voice from behind.

Sakura stiffened. "Hey... Itachi... I'm going on a mission. The enemy will be most likely to fall." She smiled sweetly.

Itachi grunted. "So I take you won't be present tonight at the dinner?"

"Oh, no, of course I'll be! I'm leaving after...wards. Yeah."

"Hm. Anyway, Sasuke, Mother is wondering - would it be okay of she cooked umeboshi onigiri and sashimi tonight?"

Sasuke glared at his brother. "I hate you," he declared. "You're the only one who likes that food."

"Beside me," Sakura piped in.

"You're not helping," Naruto informed her earnestly.

Sakura glared at him.

"What? It's true!"

"I shall inform Mother of your agreement," Itachi announced.

"I didn't agree!"

But Itachi was already gone.

Sasuke glared at the spot his brother disappeared from. "I hate him," he said finally. "He sucks."

Sakura collapsed. "He's so hot."

"...Ew," Sasuke said. "He's my brother, you know."

"Yeah Sakura," Naruto sniggered. "It's Sasuke's gay brother. Eww."

Sakura huffed. "Puh-lease. Itachi wouldn't be gay even if Tsunade-sama ordered him to."

There was a long silence. "He doesn't need to be ordered, Sakura," Sasuke said. "He already is."

"You are all idiots!" Sakura declared passionately. "He shall fall for me, I say!"

"You said this when you liked Neji and he flunked you for Tenten," Naruto reminded her.

"And same for Shikamaru," Sasuke said. "For Temari."

"I hate you all a great deal," Sakura announced darkly. "I bet you a hundred ryo that Itachi'll fall for me."

"Yeah," Sasuke said. "Let's see if you take after Tsunade-sama. Do you have what it takes to be the next Legendary Sucker?"

Naruto sniggered.

"Oh shut it," Sakura scowled.

…

Mikoto Uchiha was a simple woman with a simple wish. She wanted grandkids, dangammit. And she would have them even if Itachi - no, even if _both _of her kids said they were gay.

Adoption was always an option. Kids are double the fun when all you have to do is spoil them senseless!

In the kitchen, she smiled, preparing Itachi's favorite.

Two hours passed and before she knew it, everyone was seated at the table - from Sasuke-chan's team, to her husband, Fugaku, and finally Itachi-chan.

Sakura was glaring at Sasuke and Naruto, and the blond boy was playing with a riceball.

And so it all began...

"Attention please!" Mikoto chimed happily. "Itachi-chan here-" Itachi grunted unhappily at the affectionate nickname "-has requested a family gathering, and Sasuke-chan-" Sasuke imitated his brother's action, only with significantly less delicacy and more dramatics "-insisted on bringing his wonderful teammates."

"Yaaay," Sasuke and Naruto intoned.

"Shush," Mikoto chided happily, noticing Sakura kept making googly eyes at her firstborn.

Oh, the grandkids are coming.

That was when she noticed a golden ring on Itachi's finger.

"Should we let Itachi speak his reasons?" Mikoto asked, barely able to keep herself from bursting with joy and skipping to her eldest and start dancing with him.

Itachi stood up and cleared his throat carefully. "I wished to inform you, as my closest family and friends-"

"If it's for family and friends then why didn't you invite Uncle Shisui?" Sasuke asked matter-of-factly.

Itachi flinched guiltily. "As I was saying," Itachi said, clearing his throat. "Since Mother seems so adamant in achieving a... Grandchild," Itachi said, seeming to choke over his own words, "and it is doubtful that Sasuke will multiply in the near future seeing his sexual preferences are rather special, the task seemed to fall on my shoulder. I am engaged to Inuzuka Hana."

Itachi has to be the only one to be able to insult me and make Mother so happy at the same time, Sasuke vaguely thought as Sakura's head landed in his plate.

Poor girl, she fainted dead away.

Mikoto quickly forgot about the pink haired girl as she bounded up to hug her firstborn.

Itachi, now positively horrified, backed up a few faces.

Naruto flicked the riceball he was playing with earlier in Itachi's direction.

Fugaku, for the first time in his life, was wordless as he quickly ripped the arranged marriage agreement he prepared for Itachi and Hyuuga Hinata.

And, in slow motion, the riceball seemed to scream as, instead of hitting Itachi, hit Mikoto, succeeding in sending the woman to the ground.

Time froze for precisely five seconds.

Then all hell broke loose.

Naruto, being utterly mortified, didn't have time to dodge the flying food Mikoto had thrown (she, after all, had been quite the Jounin before she married her husband) and found himself covered in sashibi.

Sasuke, unable to hold it in, burst out laughing. Itachi, despite himself, smirked.

Sakura, waking up, shrieked as she discovered her face was covered in soup, and proceeded to flee.

Fugaku, still wordless, slowly got up and calmly exited the room.

Outside the big manor, sounds of a fight ensuing could be heard. People stopped and stared, wondering exactly what the hell was happening inside the usually quiet and intimidating Uchiha manor.

Shisui, coincidentally, was walking past said manor and his eyes widened at an alarming rate, actually succeeding to bring his eyebrow into his hairline.

As usual he proceeded to act stupidly courageous, much like our beloved blond nuthead, and slammed the front door open, finding himself face to face to a rather unusual sight.

Mikoto had Naruto in a merciless chokehold. Fugaku was nowhere to be seen, but Shisui sensed him upstairs. Sakura was at the kitchen sink, rinsing her hair from what appeared to be... Soup? Sasuke was rolling on the floor, laughing, and Itachi was right next to his brother, smirking. Shisui was about to walk over to them when a shiny thing on Itachi's finger attracted his attention.

"Itachi... When were you going to tell me that you proposed to Sakura?" he asked increduslously. "Sneaky, sneaky people..."

Everything paused. Creaks could be heard as both Sakura and Itachi's heads turned to each other.

The heavy crimson blush on the girl's face did not complement her pink hair.

Itachi stammered a bit, glancing at Sakura, and Sasuke had to bite his lip to stop himself from laughing at the utterly bewildered expression on his brother's face.

"Oh crud," Naruto said, seemingly ignoring the chokehold the woman had on his neck.

Sakura fainted.

Sasuke, finally, burst out laughing.

And the rest is history.

…

"Man, if I knew having a family was this troublesome, I wouldn't have bothered you about it, Shika."

"I told you so, Naruto."


End file.
